Reject much?

15 08 2011

One of the emotions or feelings that I can’t seem to shake is how rejected I feel. How unwanted I feel. I realize that it was good that I got divorced. That, that relationship wasn’t something that needed to continue. And I also understand that I was the one that really called for the divorce, so to speak. But I keep feeling like if he hadn’t not wanted me to be who I am then things could have worked out.

Of course I know this is a complete lie. I do.

But I think if there wasn’t such a reoccurring pattern in my life of me getting more attached to some one than they were to me….well, then I might be able to shake it.

I thought that I might be polyamorous. And I think I am still. But am I not allowed to have my favorites? My preferences?

The other thing I can’t seem to get outside of my head is the stupid Christian bullshit that I was fed at as a youth. I was taught that I would lose all of my allure as soon as I gave it up.

It would be like how Amon felt about Tamar after he raped her.

I’m usually the one that makes the first move. I need some one to make the first move.

No you know what I really need? I need a person who wants to fuck me more than once. A person who sees me stark naked, in carnal glory, watches me cum, makes me cum, and wants more. Not a person who sees all this, and walks away with out looking back.

Preferably more than one. To verify my polyamorous desires.

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One response

21 08 2011
Geo

I hope that you will find some significant Peace in your life. You seem filled with (understandable) anger and hurt. I can’t speak to an “answer” or a way that will clearly be helpful for you. Perhaps – in the moments – a flower of beauty or a sunset. In the longer term – peaceful moments alone (if preferred) or with a friend where you can laugh, cry, and hopefully eventually enjoy the simple pleasures of life in whatever way is helpful for you.

It can be very difficult and no doubt is that way for you now! I hope that it will get better soon and give you an opportunity to move positively in your future. Good Luck!

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