The New Guy

29 09 2011

I went to my first meeting with my new counselor 30 minutes late. It was actually more like 23 minutes, but that’s really not much better. I thought it was at 1130 not 11. I have no idea why. I think I kept arguing with myself and then when I realized how late I was running I convinced myself it was 1130.  So in twenty minutes I went into all the shit I’ve been talking about on here, including how my last real counselor was way too Jesusy so when he asked me if I was okay talking with a man I answered yes, because I said, ” Honestly I wouldn’t feel comfortable as some one who identifies themselves as a Christian Counselor”, and then I mentioned how I wasn’t sure if my meds were working properly still….

 

The next day I got a call from him, I was in class and so he left a real long message about how he and his supervisor thought it best if I meet with a psychiatrist, too. He used the word support a great deal. I think he gathered some how that I might not enjoy this suggestion very much.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned that I felt like I was on to a really great idea but it was that tip of the tongue feeling, only I feel the idea where the voices were and it really fucking scares me to think that my ideas come from the same places as those voices…..

But hey! I’m trying to deal here….so honesty is key. I don’t want to hold back, but I keep hearing that line from “Ma, I’m only Bleeding” in my head, If they could see my thought dreams, they’d probably put my head in a guillotine.

But its all right ma….its life and life only.

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