Bad Days vs. Really Bad Days

13 11 2011

Today, might be considered mostly a really bad day.

I got dressed today. Showered and everything. I did not however leave the house though I really wanted/needed to go to the studio.

But because I got dressed I would just say it was a bad day leaning on a really bad day.

Yesterday however was just a really bad day.  I drank too much because I felt bad.

I was consumed by my loneliness. trolled craigslist for a minute, proved unfruitful, then rejoined okc.

And couldn’t stop thinking about them. My rapists. My ex husband.

More and more I remember of the entire relationship, more and more I see emotional abuse and sexual coercion. More and more I realize it was never a healthy relationship.

 

I have decided that just because I can’t seem to leave the house does not mean I can’t be productive! I can clean, cook, sort through things mentally, talk to my mom, with out really talking to her.

*sigh* I want to be able to talk to my mom. But I still have this really strong notion that I need to protect her.

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