I think the entire lifetime network should be taken off the air.

10 01 2012

I haven’t kept one of my new years resolutions yet.

I’m feeling awful. Unmotivated. A little bit like perhaps I won’t ever really get started. I’ve been back for four days now and haven’t gone to my studio, even though I’ve been dreaming about it since I left.

I need to get a job, but I keep thinking that the only way I’ll be able to have a job is through a dating service, dancing some where, part time art model gigs, or sugar daddies. 

I know that I’m romanticizing all of these things. Well, except the art model thing. I’ve done it enough where I know that it can be uncomfortable but it can also be completely awesome. 

I think I’d be more comfortable if I knew better how to defend myself. 

Also if I didn’t feel so much like a victim. 

Since telling my parents the whole story, I’ve felt worse. More alone.

I thought it would make me feel the opposite. How wrong I was. 

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