Obscene Politeness

17 01 2012

Excuse my angsty ass, sometimes I fall back into my old ways of woe is me.


But seriously I have no idea what I want to do. I think Teach for America is my best bet. And I hope I can do it.  I’ll figure something out. I usually do.


I need to learn to detect my raging depression for no reason, and also when the red tide comes, because seriously what a black hole. 


I have a bruise on my lip from the Turkish guy I went to brunch with on Sunday. Yes another biter. Better kisser than the last biter, but not by much. The first kiss was kind of nice actually, then ATTACK in the mouth… That was less fun.  

But did I say stop? No, not specifically. Did I say no? No, not specifically. I got all shy and sheepish, overly polite. I would turn my head. And all I could think about was how I really wanted to just go home, bleed in peace, and watch the closer.

But when he asked if I wanted to go and cook something together, and watch a movie at his house, I was able to suggest that we hold off on that and just go to a movie instead. 

So yea? I was able to deflect enough to be in a slightly more comfortable situation. 

He was very nice, just I don’t like having bruises on my lips from being “kissed”.

I was relieved to get home.

I don’t understand why I get more polite the more uncomfortable I am in a situation, and how I become rude and crass when I’m comfortable. I’m blunt when comfortable, and horribly vague when uncomfortable.  How is this possible? Even after everything I’ve been through? This is a question I’ll be asking my therapist once back in session. I wish I had asked to see him before school started back, too.


Its been hard not having any one here to talk to.




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