Thank you

1 02 2012

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2010/10/people-you-meet-when-you-write-about.html#comment-form

I just want to say thank you, to Holly from Pervocracy, because, she has helped me understand  so much about my own rape experiences and my sex life.

 

I don’t think that it won’t ever not be hard when I identify so closely with something written about rape.

I’ve been talking about my parents a lot in therapy. That hasn’t been easy. Mostly about my mother most recently.

I keep having all these weird sex dreams. I guess they aren’t that weird, I mean I’m not dreaming about fucking any relatives, so that’s good. But its like every one I come in contact with on a regular basis…I’ve probably have had a really awkward sex dream about them… Luckily its only been with people in my generation. Mostly other people in my program, men and women, and orgies.

BUT its like every one is a virgin. So its all super awkward. And then usually some one unwanted shows up, too.

I’ve noticed that every time I think of him, outside of therapy, I skip over whatever jolt of instant memory I had that involved him, its like I’m trying to erase what happened….all of it, any thing involving him. Like I’m tricking myself into thinking that if I ignore triggers enough he’ll cease to exist.

That can’t be healthy.

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2 responses

2 02 2012
peniscolony

I had a sex dream about … oh god, I can’t even! I’ll substitute saying I had a sex dream about Miranda

1 02 2012
Geo

I find your words encouraging – towards you really beginning perhaps for the first time – to successfully begin what may be a long, long process of healing yourself. You obviously find it difficult – understandably. You are struggling, but it sounds like you are moving forward – I wish you the best!

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