Ahhhhh Freak out!: Grad app edition.

18 12 2013

Ugh. I’m just. I look at the work that I’m doing and one of my most recent ones, and all I can think is how disorganized it looks, how highschool it seems, seriously I feel like I am still just that angsty teenage girl. But that’s stupid and self blaming, and I know that I can do this, I have the backing of like a super legit artist, who’s one of my recommenders, so that’s awesome. But again when I look at everything, all I can think is why have I been so lazy, how am I not past this yet? Why is this so terrible? Why are those things so ugly. Even though whilst painting many of these things I specifically WANTED to make things that were ugly.That are unpleasant to look at. And then there’s the whole artist statement thing, and choosing which piece I want to be the “representative work”, and that needing to be all… ugh. I don’t know how to talk about my process with out sounding like a crazy person or talking about all the trauma that I’ve been through, but they don’t need to know that, I don’t WANT them to know those things off the bat. I don’t want them to know the extent of my PTSD, Bi polar, Depersonalization/relaztion disorders, or all the other “diagnosis” I’ve had. But if I don’t talk about at least some of that, I’m not talking about my work. And I have to talk about my work inorder to fill out the fucking forms. And I could just talk about my process, but it’s so intuitive it’s really confusing to put into words. I mean I literally prepare myself mentally to go to a place where I Remember what it feels like bodily. And then I’m like… but if that isn’t in the work, if that doesn’t come through then wtf? WTF? am I supposed to do? Seriously. I hate my life where I’m at right now, I ignore most of the things going on in my head, which makes me ignore the studio, which means I’m not making work, which means I’m not doing what I love, which makes me miserable.
I just… There’s only 16 pieces for this one portfolio and I have about 20 pieces to choose from. I thought I was good, I thought I was prepared I look at the statements at the questions asked, and I don’t understand.
How am I supposed to write a bio/artist/intent statement in 500 words? 500 words, seriously? That’s like a paragraph. I’m not a super concise person. My thoughts are not organized. I want to do this. I need to do this. But I don’t know if I can do this.




One response

18 12 2013

Don’t freak! You can do it. There’s got to be a way to get your points across without getting overly detailed and personal (not that you have time to do that really anyway in 500 words). Read other representative statements and try to see how they’re organized or w/e? And ask other people who already know all the personal stuff for ideas about how to represent it and ask other people to look at what you’ve written – like I’ll totally read your shit and tell you my ~thoughts if you want. But you can do it! Lots of people explore deeply personal themes in their art and there’s definitely a way to go about it without giving too much away or being inappropriately detailed/personal

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